


Picture the Two of Us

by Gabri



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Kidnapping, M/M, Pitch is really bad at courting, RotG Kink Meme, also chimera creations are included, no like really bad, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 14:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabri/pseuds/Gabri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...it's a gift." he embellished, and Jack found himself facing the sudden mental image of an evil Cupid firing arrow after arrow into Pitch's unguarded back.</p><p>Based off the song 'Skullcrusher Mountain' by Jonathan Coulton & Written for the RotG kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picture the Two of Us

Jack stared blankly at the tiny, bright-eyed creature sitting in the center of Pitch's palm.

Then back up at Pitch eagerly waiting face.

...then back at the creature....

"Is it...a pony?" he tried at last. It was actually cute, in a pathetic sort of way. It reminded him of the pint-sized horses children would sometimes play with, only those came in every color of the rainbow and this thing was...well...mostly it was just covered in nightmare sand, and the little that shone through was an ugly, coppery color... 

Jack winced. Oh, the critique North would give if he were here...

Pitch frowned slightly, but made a point not to actually answer Jack's question. "...it's a gift." he embellished. "Its purpose is to please you."

Right. Because that doesn't sound creepy at all.

He could almost _hear_ Pitch's thoughts in the resulting silence, demanding him to shower the air with thank-yous. 

It's not that he wasn't thankful for a gift, really. As far as Jack was concerned it was the thought the counts, but, well, considering the fact that he couldn't even remember how and when he had even _arrived_ here (though he was pretty sure there was sleepsand involved), and that Pitch had yet to call off the couple dozen Nightmares who stood at attention to guard him at every...waking... _moment..._

("They're _sweethearts_ , really, I promise they're harmless enough." Pitch had assured him with blind fondness. Yeah, _right._ As if Jack had no memory of all the trouble those things could cause.)

"Um. It's....nice." he started again lamely, extending a tentative hand to pet the 'gift'. His hand never closed the distance, hovering mid-air instead.

But it was that moment that the creature fixed it's creepy yellow eyes on him, and out of it's tiny body came a monstrous set of flailing hands, curling tails, and aggressively chomping fangs...

The air dissolved into Jack's surprised shouting, the panicked cries of the Nightmare guards, and the sudden crackling bursts of frost as he tried to fight the creature back.

" _Are you CRAZY?!_ " Jack shouted once he had succeeded in freezing the terrifying chimera into a block of solid ice. The Nightmares were sniffing at it distrustfully, rearing their heads in alarm. Pitch folded his arms with dramatic slowness over his chest.

" _Why_ are you screaming?" He demanded, having the nerve to look offended. "You don't _like_ it?"

" _Your pony tried to eat me!_ "

"It's a _half_ -pony." Pitch corrected him delicately. "The rest is twenty five percent monkey, and twenty five percent nightmare. All things you _like._ "

Jack gave him a flat look. He got a roll of the eyes in return. "Fine - maybe you _don't_ like Nightmares so much. But you most certainly _do_ like ponies and monkeys!"

"Have you been stalking me or something?" Jack grumbled back, and quickly regretted the question. Pitch descended on him in sudden rage.

" _Can't you just be happy that I ruined a pony for you?_ "

"Personal space! Personal space!"

The Nightmare King straightened swiftly with a self-righteous _hmph!_ Jack imagined fleetingly that he could spot two hard roses of color on his cheekbones.

"...look, it's not _that_ bad, okay? It's just that gifts don't usually try to bite my face off...'m kind of new to that one..."

" _Very well._ " Pitch cut him off impatiently, visibly sagging beneath the weight of his wounded pride. "Have another drink. You'll come around, eventually..."

"Yeah, about that...? I'm not really trusting the look of those drinks..." Jack mumbled as Pitch turned to vanish into the tunnels of his lair. Maybe if he went about freezing them all to solids, Pitch would get the picture... 

A moment later, quiet laughter echoed from around the corner. It was low and unusually...giddy. Jack found himself facing the sudden mental image of an evil Cupid firing arrow after arrow into Pitch's unguarded back.

 _Then again_ , he thought, resisting the urge to bang his head against the nearest available surface, _Maybe not._


End file.
